It is said that what other people think about you is their problem. However what I want to discuss is how we come to understand (actually mostly guess) what other people think of us; especially when we think those thoughts are negative.

How do we know someone, for example, dislikes us. We may read their body language, take on board their actions towards us, or comments they may make. We will also listen to reports of their comments and behaviour in relation to ourselves. From this we make a supposition, and thats just it its a supposition….an “I suppose” they don’t like me. What it really boils down to is intuition and second hand information. In reality a fantasy.

Until we talk and get to know others most of our suppositions about them are fantasy, and we often fit our fantasies around our own prejudices and self beleif. Low self esteem can lead one to beleive that others dont like you, or our own denied dislike of someone can lead us to thoughts they do not like us.

In many of these kinds of situation once we get to know people it is often that we find we have great similarities and shared likes and qualities that can lead to friendship.

“Making Contact” (Virginia Satir)

This is not to disregard our own eyes or intuition that someone harbours a negative judgement of ourselves. However what I have noticed is often on very little evidence we think we know what others are thinking or feeling and because we are often self centered we focus this on ourselves, we make ourselves as they say “the centre of the universe”. So we think we know what others are thinking and feeling and we think its about us and then if we have a lowered sense of self we think or fell it is negative.

Next time you feel someone doesn’t like you, but they haven’t actually said or demonstrated as much ( physical and/or verbal abuse are good signifiers of this) check out why you are thinking they don’t like you, you may be surprised.

Technorati Tags: like, psychology

Related posts:

Related posts:

1. Am I depressed?
2. Critical Flaws or Projection
3. Ordinary or Extraordinary
4. Be Still. Know Yourself
5. Another view of healing

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