Jonathan Spencer's Tales of Ordinary Wisdom
Politics, Poetry, Psychology, Rants and Recipes
More on men divorce and children
So I started a new relationship, which seems good, then we moved in togther and just after found out she was pregnant. Why is not like in the movies, in a book on the radio, how you were told when you were young. this event brings up so much for all of us for my partner who has been single and childless for 45 years, for my ex-wife and her new partner, and for my daughter and for my son who has always been the youngest up to now. In addition all of these things together, all of these people plus our friends neighbours, relations are changed by this event. They were changed before but now we are all older and have a different awareness of events.
a long time ago my milk man (there’s a joke in this somewhere) told me there was never a right time time to have a child and if you waited for the right time you would never have a child at all. My mother told me you can never do the right thing for your children and to just accept that a lot of what you do (even though its your best) will be seen at some point as the wrong thing to do.
So back to now, my daughter is over the moon but this may mask other insecurities and my son who has so much going for him, and is such a wonderful intelligent sensitive kind boy, burst into tears at the thought of it all and it has been the catalyst for alot of anger and hurt resurfacing, some mixed with the breakup of our family and some that he always seems to have had.
As for my new partner, I have to ask why has she waited til now and why me, what an enormous step for her tom make form singleton lifestyle to partnership and children all at the age of 45…what effect has this had on her, what resentments will surface or psychologies be buried in this process.
Ah but what about Jonathan, trying to ensure there is enough money, that everyones health and well being is taken care of, that the children I already have continue to enjoy life and don’t go completely off the rails. But things are on the up, its an exciting time, love life and death are part of the ebb and flow of existence, they remind us all of our relationships and responsibilities, they shift us out of robotic trance like thoughts and make us realise our place, position and mortality and the mortality of all things.
Most children of a family are jealous and concerned about a new child on the way, usually when the child arrives the fears can be seen to be about imaginings and the reality of a new born baaby is very different and the care gene cuts in (we hope!)
Someone recently mentioned the the wise fable of how once in climbing a hill ahead of me I saw a monster, as I got closer I saw it was a man and when i go closer still I saw it was my brother.
Many thing from a distance, though small, can take on a monstrous appearance, its only as we get closer that we realise their true nature, so it with somehting like the birth of a child, at a distance there can seem so many things to adapt to, to overcome and surmount that the joy of it can be buried, it is only as we get closer tot the time that things move into perspective and eventually we can see up close that there is always an opportunity to love and be loved, but we have to keep on walking toward the thing we fear.
Does the child within the womb also sense with foreboding something in its future,a path it will have to take that is so monstrous it cannot be grasped or understood, when it must move from its enclosed postion to one of a different kind that offers many greater opportunities for love and connections at present unknown to it
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(Fri Jan 13, 12:26 pm).
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