Divorced, and a man, with children « Childhood « Personal « Jonathan Spencer's Tales of Ordinary Wisdom

Divorced, and a man, with children

Published on March 11, 2006 at Childhood

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I am divorced and a man, not a good position to be in in 21st century Britain. I see my two children once a week on wednesday afternoon and every other weekend. When they come to my house to stay, whilst they love me as their dad it is a disturbing event, that is often tiring for all of us and knocks them off balance. Though they both have rooms and tooth brushes here, (new at christmas) my daughter cannot remember which toothbrush is hers and which one is my sons.

The way things are done in this house is different from how it is at their mothers house…where they come back every day, where most of their toys, animals, possessions, clothes, and life is. I give thanks for what I have and the chance to see them regularly on a wednesday, but I also find it a strange way of conducting a relationship.

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The bikes I bought at christmas have been used a couple of times, the games once or twice, it all seems a pointless attempt at creating a normality because it isn’t normal. I find it not unusual that more men than ever cut all ties and abandon their ex familes, because this impossible relationship is, I find, so painful as to be sometimes unbearable.

Women more often than not gain custody of children or they are torn apart across the caucasian chalk circle of the courts as each parent vies for access rights.

For me our society is broken and it has broken me on its wheel, it is corrupt and lacks a balance and sometimes a saving grace. I am sure my children and i will survive, but at what cost

“Helping Children Cope with Divorce” (Edward Teyber)

“Moving on: Breaking Up Without Breaking Down (Relate Relationships)” (Suzie Hayman)

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Jonathan has experience in both the nonprofit and business sectors, working in a consultative capacity and as a project manager with PCTs, charities, the arts, trade unions, businesses and individuals in the areas of Information, motivation, direction and communications development. He has helped organisations as diverse as carers charities and magazine publishers to develop strategy, policy and process to make a more efficient infrastructure. One where staff share in the gains of the organisation and the end user, whether client, patient or customer, receives the highest quality service possible. As well as being an expert in applied information technology and communication he is a qualified and experienced counsellor and motivator.