Never make friends or take a love on the basis of potential (the P word) « Personal « Jonathan Spencer's Tales of Ordinary Wisdom

Never make friends or take a love on the basis of potential (the P word)

Published on February 11, 2006 at Personal

12 views

Relationships and potential(a warning)

I want to be loved for who i am and to able to make friends or have a relationship with someone for who they are right now. Of course we all have to imagine some future with a potential partner (theres that P word again), but the foundation of the relationship needs to be about liking, loving accepting and appreciating who this person is now, and they have to feel the same about you.

Many of us get together with people at different times because we hope in the future they may be of benefit to us, or we start a relationship or get married to someone because we believe in 10 years time they will be in this or that position and allow us to live the life we have always wanted…its a mistake, no one can live up to fantastical expectations. The more you expect the worse it gets, the other person can even start trying to bend themselves to your expectation, and once they stop being true to themselves its doomed.

The difference is when you both have a similar aim or focus and row together in the same direction. The potential question can also confuse the idea of Love, Erich Fromm talked about being in love, that first flush of excitement and stimulation, and ’standing in love’, a depth of relationship that grows over time. If you have fallen in love with someones potential, you’ll never find a depth in your relationship beyond a certain point, coz if you dig too deep it won’t live up to the imagined potential.

The answer is as the Quakers say…”seek to know one another in the things which are eternal”. make friends and partners on the basis of who you really are and who they really are and remember potential is something racehorses have.

Popularity: unranked [?]

Jonathan has experience in both the nonprofit and business sectors, working in a consultative capacity and as a project manager with PCTs, charities, the arts, trade unions, businesses and individuals in the areas of Information, motivation, direction and communications development. He has helped organisations as diverse as carers charities and magazine publishers to develop strategy, policy and process to make a more efficient infrastructure. One where staff share in the gains of the organisation and the end user, whether client, patient or customer, receives the highest quality service possible. As well as being an expert in applied information technology and communication he is a qualified and experienced counsellor and motivator.