Jonathan Spencer's Tales of Ordinary Wisdom
Politics, Poetry, Psychology, Rants and Recipes
Critical Flaws or Projection
Presented with your flaws…its frightening (if you don’t like what I say tell me!!!)
Do we ever truly listen, except perhaps to the bad stuff…and when we are presented with our flaws full on how can we both deal with it and learn from it
In the process of seperation and divorce, I was told full on how difficult I was to be with, how critical overbearing how domineering, how these people had always found me difficult, how x and y found me too opinionated (what me!? nooo!) and z had nearly left such and such a group I belonged to because of things I said.
Now firstly I am opinionated, i can be difficult and i don’t take too much crap, suffer fools etc and i ask for things straight if I am fired up. Its hard to recognise too that for some people I am quite frightening. Its upsetting…I want everyone to like me and think I am a great guy, to find me easy and great to get on with. Unfortunately i am not like that, for 30 years i hid it very well in drugs and people pleasing, but I was still quite a bit obnoxious, I got involved in politics, where you can get away with it from time to time. I have learnt not to hide, not to pretend, not to wait and say it later to a friend, the mirror or the cat instead of to the person that needs to hear it.
When I first heard all this I felt off balance, i was going to leave group x , that would show them, they didn’t love me anyhow, then they’d see, i would sit at home on my own and get down and no one would carer etc etc. But I didn’t, why not because those thoughts are like an infection, they push your sense of self down and force you to give away your centredness and energy.
These people, that found or find me difficult or abrasive or over bearing in my opinions, they may right, that is their truth, but it struck me that they were giving me a lot of power. They would rather leave a group than tell me something I said had upset them, I am so overbearing and frightening that they never had the courage to tell me,to say Jonathan, what you said is crap, shut up? or that’s your opinion but we don’t agree? They gave me all their power, they allowed me to silence them. Why would anyone want to give that power away like that. How could I so easily negate people?
The truth can hurt and it can also set you free, we all have our own truths depending on the type of people we are. I know who I am, I am big, have strong opinions, deep thoughts and sensitive feelings, I would like to think I am right all the time, but actually i get it wrong too. I want you whoever you are to have your own power and grow in it, please don’t give it to me. I want to learn and I have put more and more store by kindness humour and love.
When I first wrote this article on this weblog the weblog was presented in a different way and a different layout and the comments (long since lost in the rebuilding of this site after spam attacks) for this entry were quite interesting and attacked me, more interesting was that others then defended me, something I have never forgotten from years ago was a therapist friend who said before one of my first forays into group therapy leadership…if someone attacks you in the group do nothing, for as much as someone will want to hurt you there will be others that want to protect you, and all of it has very little to do with you but is really how they act out their own psyche.
What I say what I do I want to empower other people, my method is often challenging, it is not meant to be hurtful, to be challenging you must be willing to be challenged.
All of this everything I do i try to give out with more love, a love that has many facets. Go well
Related posts:
Related posts:
- Am I depressed?
- Other peoples opinion – of You!
- Ordinary or Extraordinary
- A Way of Viewing The Psyche
- Sadness and Depression
-
Search
Log In
-
Facebook Status
Jonathan Spencer : Posted a new post on their blog
(Fri Jan 13, 12:26 pm).
-
The Posts you read
-
The Best Accounting Software
-
Look
