Jonathan Spencer's Tales of Ordinary Wisdom

I had often wondered as an adult where the idea came from that if i didn’t please …my partner, my emplyer, my friends and so on i would be rejected.

Later I remembered an incident in my childhood where one of my parents despairing of controlling my sister and I, would threaten to put us into care (social and welfare services) if we did not behave, and in certain instances would pretend, or as it seemed to us, actually begin to phone to contact social services.

I know now they could not possibly have known the number, but I remember begging my mother, asking her not to phone.

It turns out this was a common theme in her family and at one stage her brother had packed a bag for his son (age 9) and put it on the step as he “was on his way out”.

This is still a great sticking point for me and something i would not want to do with my kids, and i have forgiven, blessed and let go of this incident as much as I can…

However as parents we all make mistakes and given difficult circumstances react according to the training and child rearing we were given. I just hope my kids will forgive me for the mistakes i make.

In all other respects my parents were loving and caring, but what on earth made them offer this as a way of controlling their children?

Those events will never leave me and will always efffect me, I hope not always in a reactive way but also in a proactive way…Every time I see my children, i try to tell them they are wanted, loved and special, I have met so many people that have never really had someone tell them they were loved unconditionally.

It is not enough just to love but it is important to bear witness to this love, to accept and not reject. As the beatles say “I’m in love with you and I feel fine”, or “All you need is love”.

Remember love makes us feel good both giving and recieving… so express your love, tell your significant other or others that they are loved, tell someone or something you love them…a cat, adog, our partner, parent, child who ever…don’t leave it until its too late.

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