One of the great problems that exist with any bereavement, be it a death or the end of a relationship, especially a long term relationship, is what to do with the memories.

I have found I have a quite a number of memories; both happy and sad, that are now somehow incomplete, as I can no longer share them with the person with whom i first experienced them. Now, I imagine a number of you will realise that this is the case with most relationships that finish, it is all the more poigniant, after the end of someting long term, be that a parent or a partner….

You can no longer say “remember when we…” because there is no we anymore, and even if the other is still around, you can no longer share this intimacy with them. More painful to me is the memories I have of times with the children, or episodes as they were growing up, and got covered in mud or beetroot or both.

Maybe this is only a problem for me and I have built my relationships based too much on past experience and memory and looked to the future, or been present enough in the now, I don’t know. In as much as I wished for someone whilst on my own to sahre things with, those shared events die too when a relationship ends.

Not sure where I am going with this except to say that this is an issue that is painful for me, and if it is for you, then you are not alone. What I have realised is that often we allow others to define us, to define our memeories and feel incomplete with out an ‘other’. In fact we are perfectly complete, and although past events are often shared it does not devalue them that those previously able to share them with you can do so no longer. MY children , for example, still grew up and I experienced many wonderful things watching them do so.

Related posts:

Related posts:

1. Children Seperation and Divorce
2. more on: men and divorce, relationships with your children
3. Men Divorce and your (my) confidence
4. Divorce and a Man with children – the new baby

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  Jonathan Spencer : Posted a new post on their blog
  (Fri Jan 13, 12:26 pm).

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