Thinking too much
I was asked the other day, perhaps half as a joke, by a friend, whether i thought too much, about life about love and so on or whether i read too many books and complicated matters which made it difficult to live and love….
A long time ago I remember a Jehovahs’ Witness (who has since given up knocking on doors, for football) telling me I complicated things when I argued against some of his beliefs. However, my friend was right, sometimes i can be too much in my head and this means my feelings don’t get a proper look in.
I have always thought too much, especially about love, people etc etc, a bit of a back porch philosopher all my life, life and loving for me has never been simple…different stages in life I guess, first had no understanding whatsoever then someone discovered i was good looking and was fighting girls/women off and living dissolute life style, then no one interested , then slightly dissolute, then met wife, then together 14 years, now I am back to no understanding whatsoever. Perhaps I am better off on my own, with a good book, and the company of the odd friend now and then.
I know a lot about passion and i feel fun can be found anywhere if you are in the right mood, I am easily pleased and soon put off.
I do know if I stay in my head and don’t allow my heart and my feelings space to grow, I will be restricted in my growth and in my understanding of people, especially those i love. This was my lack of understanding when I was younger, now my lack of understanding is for my own and others weaknesses, our inadvertent hurting of each other and our desire still for love and care and to be able to offer it to others.
I know now that my attitude to any new relationship that might come my way is what can i offer, NOT what can this person offer me.
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